Baby Steps

It was a bucket-list item to climb Kilimanjaro and even though I had trained, I wasn't physically or mentally prepared for the climb and the altitude. At some points, every additional step was difficult. I saw fellow climbers briskly stroll and cheerily pass  me on way up the mountain. My defeatist thoughts had a garden to bloom but the more they rose, the smaller my steps became. My mind struggled alongside my body. The beauty of the mountain is that at some point, there is only one way to go and the only way up is through. 

I made it to the last base camp. I was encouraged by the fact that every step brought me closer up the mountain. Each step was important, no matter how small and at the end of the trip, as I penned "Failed to Summit" into the Climbing LogBook of the Kilimanjaro visitor office, I was proud of each  step. 

This photo was taken from Bluekrans Bridge in South Africa, the world's highest bridge bungee jump, as I fell 180 meters into a 216-meter ravine. The scariest part of the entire experience was after the jump - when I was hanging upside down and listening to the adrenaline pumping EDM music from the Jump platform, a stark juxtaposition to the calming sound of water rushing beneath me and birds singing around me. My decision to bungee jump was last minute and impulse-driven and after signing documents acknowledging potential death, I began to feel the nerve-wracking anxiety that comes before leaping into the unknown. I didn't expect to be most afraid of staring at the world as I dangled upside down. In addressing my fear of heights, I had stumbled on my fear of being alone. With noone around, I started talking to myself as I turned 360 degrees - "You're OK, you're OK". 

The most surprising and amazing memory I have of this jump is this moment - the first time I acknowledged and met myself.